Confessions
by Krazy4Spike
Summary: “Why did you sleep with him? What could he have possibly said or done to get you to sleep with him? He wasn’t looking her in the eye and this scared her. Of all the things he could have said to her, this was not what she was expecting.


Just another one shot that I wanted to get out there and I hope you like it. Please review!

Disclaimer: I don't own Gossip Girl or any of the characters.

Confessions

"You're angry with me." They had been riding the elevator in silence until Blair couldn't take it anymore.

The doors opened to the penthouse suite and Chuck made a hasty retreat to the bedroom without speaking. Blair followed because, well because she is Blair and there was no way she was going to let him just give her the silent treatment without explaining himself. She hadn't done anything wrong.

"Chuck, you can't just be angry at me and not explain why. That's not fair. I deserve to know what I've done." He continued to take off his jacket, pausing for a minute to look at her and then toed off his shoes and laid down on bed, putting his hands behind his head and locking his fingers.

Blair continued to stand with her hands on her hips and huff with the occasional sigh. She was waiting as patiently as possible for him to speak, but her patience was wearing thin.

"Why did you sleep with him? What could he have possibly said or done to get you to sleep with him? He wasn't looking her in the eye and this scared her. Of all the things he could have said to her, this was not what she was expecting.

He turned his head and looked at her now, and his eyes were sad, not angry. "Chuck…..we already talked about this. This is ancient history and it needs to be left there." She was wringing her hands now, and rocking back and forth and she continued to stand. She wasn't sure she wanted to sit on the bed so close to him when it was clear that he wasn't going to leave this alone.

"No, we never discussed it. As usual you gave me your reason and then changed the subject. I never got an explanation Blair….and I want one now. I saw the way he looked at you downstairs in the bar; the way he touched your hand. You don't think that hurts me? You don't think that tears me apart knowing that he has done more than touch your hand?"

Her bottom lip began to tremble and she covered her mouth with her hand to try and hide it. Now was not the time to break down. She needed to be strong so she could make him understand that it all meant nothing to her. She slowly walked over to the other side of the bed and sat down.

"Why did you sleep with Vanessa?" Her voice was soft as a whisper, but it was her best effort to speak without crying. You could have heard a pin drop and his head turned so quickly toward her that she could have sworn he would have whiplash.

"What? You're bringing that up now? Don't try to change the subject just because you don't want to answer my question Blair. That's not going to work!"

He was angry now and couldn't believe she would stoop to such tactics. It was clear she was trying to divert the conversation and turn it around on him and he wasn't about to let that happen.

"You answer my question and I will answer yours." She was trying to secretly wipe the tears that had escaped from the corners of her eyes, but he saw her anyway. She didn't care. It wasn't a sign of weakness; it was a sign of feelings. Something he knew very little about before he became her boyfriend.

She could hear him breathing harder and she knew he was angry now. He kept looking at her quickly and then looking away and she could see that he was trying to figure out how to get through this without telling her the complete truth. She wasn't going to stand for anything less than that though.

"Do we have a deal Chuck? I mean, that's how you handle everything in your life right, by making a deal? You want me to answer your question and I want you to answer mine. I think it's a fair trade considering the circumstances."

He was rubbing his face with his hands now and sat up in the bed and turned toward her. "Fine, you go first."

Blair looked down at the bedspread and picked at the thread. She never wanted to have to talk about this again but it looked like she now had no choice. "Alright, but I don't want you to interrupt me." He nodded his head so she continued.

"I love you Chuck. I want you to know that I never intended for it to happen. I never felt that way about Jack, ever. But you left, and I was broken inside. It hurt me more than you can ever imagine when I woke up and you were gone. It's not an excuse, I know, but it is the only way I can describe how I was feeling. I told you that I loved you and you just left. I was devastated."

He raked his hand through his hair and tried to keep himself from speaking. She had asked him not to interrupt and he was going to respect that.

"He led me to believe he was helping me. I wanted to find you and Jack had connections. He told me he would help bring you back and I believed him. He was the only hope that I had of getting you back. I was terrified that you would do something stupid. I knew how self destructive you had become and it scared me."

He looked at her tears streaming down her face and he couldn't stay silent anymore. It didn't seem to matter so much now and he wished he would have never said anything. He reached out to touch her face and dry her tears. "Blair….."

"No Chuck, You wanted to know and I am going to tell you. You promised me you would stay quiet until I finished." She pulled back from his hand and then he nodded again for her to continue.

"I wasn't sleeping and I wasn't eating. We talked on the phone several times a day and he would tell me that his PI was tracking you and it wouldn't be long before you were found. Soon it was New Year's Eve and there was a party and he thought it would be good for me to get out. He was comforting and caring when I needed it the most. I know now that it was all just a lie, but at the time it was what I needed. I was falling apart and he was there and that is the only thing I can tell you to explain it. I regretted it the next morning, but it was too late. I told him that we couldn't see each other anymore and that I loved you and he wasn't to say anything about it ever again. He agreed. You know the rest."

She was crying a little harder now and he leaned over to hug her and she let him. "I'm sorry Blair. I should have been there. I shouldn't have left you like that but I was in so much pain and I knew if I stayed I would hurt you."

She pulled back and then kissed him softly on the lips. "Now it's your turn." He looked at little taken back by what she said, but he had agreed to her terms.

"I was jealous and hurt. You chose to be with Nathaniel again, and all I could think about was you were rejecting me again and making a fool out of me. Vanessa was feeling the same way about Nate, so we found comfort with each other. I think it was really just our way of feeling in control of something that was out of our control. I wanted to hurt you for hurting me, and it just happened."

Blair reached over to gently grasp his hand, locking their fingers together. "Can we get past this now Chuck? I don't want anything to do with Jack, you know that. He's here and I wish that he wasn't but with everything else that is happening we need to be strong for each other. I love you. I don't want anyone else. I want you to trust me when I say that you are everything to me."

He leaned over and kissed her cheeks that were streaked with her tears. "I love you too Blair. I'm sorry for getting angry with you about Jack. He's an ass, and that's not your fault. We are going to get through all of this. I can't do it without you though. I need you."

She smiled and he returned the smile as well. She leaned in closer, resting the palm of her hand against his cheek. "Do you need me right now Bass?" Her voice was soft and sultry and he smirked in response.

"Always……Waldorf. Always."


End file.
